Quaking Like A Leaf
by CheekyBrunette
Summary: Death leaves you shaken, scared, sad... and sometimes just a little bit hopeless.  Luckily, Jeff has Nick.  Just a little short story where Nick comforts Jeff when tragedy strikes and maybe gest a bit overwhelmed in the process. Niff potential.


**So, for the record, this IS a Christian song BUT I have sort of… Secular-fied it, so as not to offend anyone or anything… Cause whatever. But I figured I should stick a semi-warning-thing up here in case any of you listen to it (which you should, cause it's amazing.)**

**Also, um, I love Niff… that's all.**

_It was the day the world went wrong._

It's funny how the most average of days could end so absolutely terribly. Nick had always been one to appreciate dramatic irony, but this crossed the line. Today was supposed to be _good_. After three weeks of homesickness, it was finally Family Day at Dalton, where everyone's parents and siblings could come and visit. Nick wasn't too excited… his family was a bit eccentric in the sense that neither of his parents actually cared about him at all, but Jeff was pumped.

In fact, he was annoyingly excited about the whole thing. The kid was pretty much too rambunctious and far too energetic for most people's taste on a daily basis, but the day before he was even getting on _Nick's_ nerves. Nick's. The other pea to his pod. He had been dancing about the dorm all evening and singing all over the place, making Nick realize why the Warblers got their own block. Is this what they were like to other people?

Needless to say, Nick was practically begging for the clock to his 8 AM so the herd of parents could make their way through Dalton's front doors. He was standing next to Jeff as the visitors filtered in and matched up with the other awaiting boys. Fingers locked in the blonde's, he searched the crowd anxiously for his parents, but as the last people squeezed their way into the crowded foyer, he realized they weren't there. Nick wasn't exactly sure what to feel… He didn't actually _want_ to see his mom and dad; he just wished he did…

Suddenly, he realized Jeff had a death grip on his hand. Nick looked up, pushing his conflicting emotions out of the way, to notice Jeff looked very nervous and very… alone. "Maybe they're late?" Nick offered, referring to his best friend's missing family as his eyes searched the steadily emptying room. Jeff bit his lip.

"They've never been late before…" he answered, and Nick hated the sad look in his eyes as he rubbed the other boy's thumb with his own. Jeff had a terrible habit of looking like a kicked puppy whenever he was upset –something to do with the way he held his down slightly and stuck out his bottom lip like a two-year-old. Nick smiled a bit unthinkingly at his cuteness.

"Well, it's not like they've decided not to come because they don't love you or anything, its only 8:15. They're probably on their way," he reassured him, and Jeff nodded, obviously concerned. Nick could understand; Jeff's family actually _was_ never late. He had the kind of parents that were embarrassingly early to things that no one knew quite what to do with for the hour it would be until whatever event it was got started. It was cute in a "Jeff's family" sort of way…

Also, Jeff never really got to see them. Not unlike a lot of Dalton students, Jeff had _money_. And because of that, like Nick's and pretty much every other kid's in the school, his parents were constantly away on business trips, making a lot of Family Days impossible to attend. So wouldn't it make sense for the early-birds to be there on time?

So they waited.

And waited.

Eventually, Nick pulled Jeff over to the wall to have a seat and lean up against it. They watched together as moms and dads said goodbye to their sons and left for the day, talking about this and that, and Nick felt a sad sort of pity well in his stomach as Jeff kept his eyes trained on the door, still looking hopeful. They were going to see the dorm, Jeff had said. They were going to bring him cookies, he had said. He was going to show them the new dance routine he'd been sweating over, he had said. But they weren't here.

Heels clicked out the front door, and the squeals of younger brothers and sisters were now absent from the Dalton halls. The clock clicked 3 PM. Family Day was over, but Jeff wasn't making a move to leave. Nick cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, Jeff… I guess something came up…" Jeff frowned.

"They didn't even text me," he said quietly, and Nick scratched at the back of his neck, ignoring the way his blazer lifted awkwardly. He didn't know what to say. Fortunately, he didn't have to as their headmaster approached them, expression remorse. His secretary followed him with a cordless phone on a tray. That was Dalton for you…

"Jeff, Sargent Atkins from the OCPA is on the phone for you. Would you like to take it here or in my office?" Nick didn't need to look at Jeff; he could _feel_ him pale beside him. OCPA… that was the Ohio Crime Prevention Association, Nick knew that… He _didn't_, however, know why they would be calling Jeff at 3:15 on a very lonely Family Day.

A sick realization crept into his stomach.

Nick realized Jeff wasn't answering, so he spoke up. "I think in your office would be the best, thank you for offering and finding us," he said, knowing he didn't sound near as polite, proper, or well-spoken as he was supposed to when addressing the headmaster, but his mind was racing in a way that make the syntax he was expected of impossible. He latched onto Jeff's hand again, helping him up and practically dragging him to the headmaster's office.

Nick didn't hear the other half of the phone call. He saw Jeff pick up the phone, he heard him mumble a "yes" into the receiver, he watched his eyes grow wide, and he fought the urge to wipe the tears rolling down his friend's face, but he had no clue what was going on. Jeff fumbled to put the phone in the receiver, so Nick helped him, dashing to catch up to Jeff as he raced out the door and out into the hall. He chased them to their dorm room, more than a little scared for is best friend.

_I screamed 'til my voice was gone,_

Jeff had flung himself onto his bed by the time he got there. Nick stood in the doorway; panic filling his brain while he watched the blond just lay there –unmoving- with his face buried into his pillow. What was going on? Nick wasn't exactly sure what to do with himself as he stood there, but when Jeff's arching back was accompanied by a chainsaw of a sob that ripped right through him, he was shook out of his confusion.

Nick rushed over to Jeff and flipped him onto his back, pulling up his torso by wrapping him up in the tightest hug ever imaginable. Jeff was crying loudly into his shoulder, and Nick looked at the door a bit hopelessly, wishing that he had closed it before running over. A few stray Warblers poked their heads through the frame, and Nick threw a "help me" look to David, who nodded and closed the door fast, nearly slamming it on Sebastian's hand.

Jeff was wracking in his arms, and… really? What the heck was going on? What did that freaking guy say to Jeff to get him this worked up? Admittedly, the other boy was a bit sensitive –that combined with his more feminine features had basically been the reason he had transferred to Dalton in the first place- but he didn't… he didn't just… he didn't just _do_ this. Crap, _no one_ did this. What could possibly be wrong? He suddenly became aware of Jeff trying to say something, his voice hoarse from crying so hard. "Th-th-they g-g-got _h-hit_," he hiccupped, and Nick was confused for a minute before-

Oh.

_Oh._

Oh, no… _Jeff…_

_And watched through the tears as everything came crashing down._

Tears sprang into Nick's own eyes, and he clutched onto his Jeff tighter, vaguely noticing how damp his shoulder felt despite the dress shirt and blazer protecting it. Crap. Crap, crap, crap. _Crap_. What? No. Were they…? Jeff seemed to be crying pretty hard, and he'd hate to assume, but…

No. No. They were gone. Nick knew. He _knew_. But things weren't adding up. "Jeff… why did the OCPA call you?" he asked, and Jeff was quivering like a leaf in his arms. Nick was well aware that this was probably the worst time _ever_ to be asking, but he had to know what happened. How was he supposed to comfort him when he didn't know what was wrong?

Jeff gagged. "H-he stole a car 'nd he was drivin' s'_fast_," he choked, and Nick's heart honestly broke. He could feel it break. Just… shatter. Nick suddenly felt nauseous. "He wen' 'ro-round the c-cur-ve and- and he- he h-hit the side s'h-hard that it- it- it…" Jeff seemed unable to say the words, but that was okay. He didn't have to. Nick knew. If it was possible, Nick held onto Jeff even tighter, feeling the sudden need to be close to him. Obviously, the blonde felt the same way because he was latched onto him so hard it _hurt_, but Nick didn't mind.

"Are both…?" he asked, not finishing the sentence out of respect to both Jeff and his parents. The other boy didn't answer, just nodded into his shoulder. Nick hated seeing his friend like this… His Jeff like this… He seemed so _scared_. Fear was washing off him in waves, and –crap- Nick _hated_ it. It wasn't fair that he had to hurt this badly… It wasn't _fair._

* * *

><p><em>Slowly panic turns to pain,<em>

Nick was having processing what was going on… that was only three days ago? Why did it feel like a million? How could it _possibly_ feel like a million? It was like he had been holed up in that dorm room with Jeff for years… and now he was walking into his house with him to grab his suit for the funeral.

Nick knew that Jeff was hurting. He could see it in his eyes, and it stung. Every time he looked at the other boy's face, something sharp pierced at his broken, un-mendable heart. He felt like he was bleeding, and he couldn't imagine how hard this must be on Jeff. He knew his parents; he _loved_ his parents; meanwhile, Nick was only upset because he didn't like seeing how depressed Jeff was.

In a way, he was better than before. He didn't look so stricken… just hopelessly lost. When they had pulled into the driveway, it had taken Jeff a minute or two to just get out of the car. It was like he didn't recognize his own home anymore.

_As we awake to what remains_

Nick watched warily as Jeff somewhat wandered through his house. It appeared that he was the first one to be there since… since… well, you know. Cereal bowls were still sitting in the sink, milk sour. The bananas on the island were too brown to be edible, and Nick hated the way it seemed like things were deteriorating without the Sterlings there. He could tell Jeff hated it more… In the family room, the red light on the cable box shone, showing something was being recorded, but Nick knew that no one was going to watch it.

In the foyer, there was an indent on the bench where Nick figured his mom and dad would always put their shoes on before they left, and there were little marks from sharp heels still imbedded in the cushy front mat. The stairs had books from the library resting on them, presumably to be taken upstairs and read. Oh gosh… someone was going to have to return those…

Jeff mounted the stairs, and Nick followed, catching a glimpse into the Sterlings' bedroom as he walked by, the bed unmade and clothes strewn about. Crap… there was a lot to go through… There was a lot to handle. Nick felt overwhelmed just thinking about it, and suddenly he was thankful to not have known Mr. and Mrs. Sterling that well in a sick kind of way. It made it easier to take care of Jeff and help him through this…

_And sift through the ashes that are left behind,_

They made it to Jeff's bedroom, the thing a complete mess still from their last sleepover. Jeff reached into the closet and grabbed his suit, holding it by the hanger as if he wasn't sure what to do with it. Nick grabbed the thing and hung it over his arm as Jeff unbuttoned his Dalton blazer. Nick had been helping him change lately… Nick had been helping him with a lot of things. He passed Jeff pieces as he needed them silently, and Nick was doing everything in his power not to cry. Jeff was so helpless… it hurt…

Eventually, Jeff managed to get on the black suit, and Nick hopped over to the bathroom to put on his own. When he came out, he found Jeff in his parents' bedroom. He was just standing in the middle: looking. Nick put a hand on his shoulder, and Jeff turned to look at him, his eyes hazy with tears. He hated how familiar that was becoming to him. He took a shaky breath, about to say something comforting, but Jeff beat him to it.

"Every morning when I was little, I'd climb into that bed, and my dad would turn on cartoons for me while he got ready for work and my mom woke up," he said quietly, pointing. Nick just nodded, not sure how to respond. There was a moment of silence before Jeff let out a little laugh as he surveyed the dresses thrown about the room. "My mom was really indecisive, so she always took out a million things before deciding on what to wear. It always annoyed my daddy because he picked stuff out really fast and was kind of a neat freak," he explained, dabbing beneath his eyes with the back of his hand. Nick nodded again.

He walked over to what he figured to be Jeff's mom's bedside table and picked up the book on it. He showed the title to the blonde. "Do you want to read this?" he asked, and Jeff shook his head.

"Nah… I don't read books even for _school_," he said with a watery smile. "Plus, it's probs some romantic thing, right?" he asked, and Nick skimmed the back before nodding. Jeff smirked a bit. "Yeah, that's not my thing…" he trailed off, his voice growing so quiet it was almost inaudible. "Besides, we couldn't talk about it, anyway…" Nick frowned.

_But buried deep beneath all our broken dreams_

He eyed the Sterlings' bed, and then walked around it, grabbing the remote from Mr. Sterling's side and flipping the TV hanging on the wall on, flipping channels until he found one playing reruns of Teen Titans. Nick took off his shoes and eyes Jeff uncertainly. A grateful kind of sparkle flared up in the blonde's eyes, and Nick took it as permission to crawl into the bed. He took Jeff's dad's side, and Jeff buried himself under the covers, arms slinking around Nick's waist.

"Do you like mopeds?" Nick asked Jeff, and the blonde immediately tilted his head up at him, lips in a straight line and eyes open wide, mimicking Beast Boy later in the episode. Yeah, okay, maybe they both had a tiny bit of an obsession with the ancient cartoon, but –hey- superheroes were cool!

A slight smile played on Jeff's face as their favorite green shape shifter water gunned the evil Bobs to tofu whilst simultaneously saving the captured cows and shutting off the Destruct-o-tron before the earth exploded. Nick couldn't have asked for a better episode, and that smile…

_We have this hope._

Jeff was so, so sad, Nick knew, but that smile… it proved that things were going to be okay. Oh gosh, Nick needed for things to be okay. Jeff was apparently under his ancient, slightly crazy grandmother's care now, and that wasn't… It would be hard for him. Even if he was over at Nick's house for practically the whole summer like he planned and was at Dalton for the rest of the year, it would still be hard.

But that smile…

It said that things could be okay. Jeff was his little ball of sunshine, and when he wasn't smiling, it literally felt like the world was ending to Nick. That smile was his light in a dark cave. Things were going to be okay. They were going to be okay…

The episode passed by unfortunately quickly, and Nick realized they were going to have to get moving if they were to make it to the viewing on time. This was something Nick was decidedly dreading. Jeff hadn't seen his parents since Winter Break, and that included seeing them… well, you know. He was worried about how he was going to react. He was worried about taking care of him in front of so many people. He was worried about kneeling in front of the casket and acting correctly. He was worried about watching over Jeff when so many people were going to want to talk to him. He was worried that they would be separated when Jeff had to stand in that line while people went through the row and offered their condolences before taking their turn at the Sterlings' sides…

He pushed those thoughts away as he took Jeff down and out of the house. He opened the car door for him and made sure he had his seatbelt on before slipping into the driver's seat. Nick felt more than a little apprehensive, but there wasn't exactly anything he could do about it. He kept his eyes on the road, occasionally stealing looks at Jeff to make sure he was okay.

Nick pulled into the parking lot, and got out of the car, making his way to the other side of the car to open the door for Jeff. One look at his face proved that he was upset, just as Nick feared, but he didn't think things would fall apart this quickly.

_So take another breath for now,_

"Nick, I don't think I can do this," he said, voice high pitched with unvoiced fear. He was fiddling with his cuffs and tie, despite them both being perfect. They were Dalton boys; they knew how to wear a suit. Nick stilled his fidgeting hands by putting his own over them as a couple of their fellow Warblers walked by. They barely gave them a passing glace. They knew Nick, they knew Jeff, they knew how touchy and close they were, and they knew that if Nick was there that it would be pointless to try and help Jeff.

"Just breathe," Nick offered, and there was a moment where their eyes met. Nick wasn't sure exactly what passed them, but he felt like he had just been offered an unshielded view of Jeff's soul. He grabbed onto Jeff's hands a bit tighter, and –bam!- the floodgates opened.

_And let the tears come washing down,_

"Ohmygosh, _Nick_. I'msososososorry. All I've been doing is crying lately, and you keep having to deal with me, and, crap, I feel _terrible_," he apologized, but Nick just pulled him into a hug, lacing his fingers through his hair. Tears were washing down Jeff's face, and Nick could feel them as they dripped onto his suit, but he didn't mind. He'd rather take weird looks and a messed up outfit with a comforted Jeff than literally anything else on the planet right now.

"It's okay, man. Let it out…" he said, and Jeff took him up on that. Nick checked his watch behind the blonde's head, and winced at how late they were. Well, technically they were on time; they were just out in the parking lot if anyone needed them. He sneakily reached into his pocket and texted Jeff's aunt –Tracey- their situation, never letting go of Jeff. She buzzed back in a second saying that it was fine, and Nick latched onto Jeff a bit tighter in response. It was fine. The viewing lasted until eleven anyway, and it was only 9:30 AM. They had just missed the first half hour.

A _lot_ of people had come to pay their respects to both Mr. and Mrs. Sterling. In fact, it was sort of amazing to see how many people were touched by a couple Nick only knew through the occasional carpool and the awkward mingling at the front door or dinner table whenever he came over. He hoped his viewing would be crowded enough to fill a parking lot made for a shopping mall sized church like Jeff's parents' was.

"This isn't okay," Jeff croaked out, his face pressed into the crook of his neck. That combined with the tie he was wearing choked Nick a little bit, but he wasn't about to push Jeff away. "This will _never_ be okay."

_And if you can't believe I will believe for you._

_Wrong_, Nick wanted to say, but he knew he couldn't. Not like that anyway. "Jelffaba… things will work out," he tried to assure him, but his friend just shook his head against him. That was okay. It was okay for Jeff to feel hopeless right now; Nick knew that. But that didn't mean that Nick was going to agree with him. No, not ever. Because there was that smile… Jeff could _smile_ if he tried, and that was enough. It was enough for now anyway…

Eventually, Jeff pulled away, and they headed inside. The viewing didn't go as terribly as Nick thought it would. With the tears out of the way, Jeff managed to hold it together while he talked to those there to see his mom and dad. He did cry buckets worth at both parents' side, the open casket really doing a number on him -"_They look plastic!"-_ but that was okay. Nick had his back.

The ceremony afterward went by slowly. Jeff went up to talk about his parents, but he didn't have a lot to say. He came back quickly and basically sat in Nick's lap for the entire thing, despite the weird looks some of his mother's and his father's associates gave them. Meh, they just didn't understand their ways.

The funeral was long. _Long_. It felt like they were purposefully lowering the casket as slow as possible. There was music playing softly –"Pure Imagination" from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory sang by some seriously familiar voices- and Nick sang along quietly as he hugged an extremely upset Jeff from behind. _"That's it… That's all, and they're gone. How could that be so fast?"_

And that brought them to the reception.

_Cause I have seen the signs of spring! Just watch and see._

Thanks to Aunt Tracey, who was a wedding planner and clearly knew her way around putting together events for mass amounts of people, Jeff and Nick were at a table belonging solely to the Warblers. It was a bit awkward, as Nick was pretty sure they could all see just how freaking exhausted and emotionally strung out the pair of them were, but he didn't miss the proud flashes in their eyes when they looked at them… Nick wasn't exactly sure _why_ they were proud, but it felt good. He was working so, so hard…

Despite, however, the initial discomfort, soon Trent was getting his… _Trent_ on, and Blaine was being as goofy and silly as ever, and Wes was being the loveable stickler he was, and David had on his 'chillin' like a mad villain' look, and Thad would just _not shut up_ as usual, and Kurt was being hilarious and rude… and it felt safe. They were probably annoying the crap out of the tables around them, but Jeff needed this, and… you know what? Funerals were supposed to celebrate a life, as much as mourn it, so that's what they were doing.

And Jeff was laughing.

Nick hadn't realized how bad he missed Jeff's laugh, how much he needed Jeff's laugh. He, himself, was having a bit of difficulty smiling himself –he was just so _tired_- but the blonde was doing a sufficient job pulling it out of him. Look, see? Things were going to be okay. Oh gosh, they'd be _okay_.

_Out of these ashes, beauty will rise,_

_And we will dance among the ruins._

_We will see it with our own eyes._

_Out of this darkness, new life will shine,_

_and we'll know the joy is coming in the morning...in the morning...beauty will rise!_

**Bleh. Okay, that was EXHAUSTING to write, you have no idea… In fact, I would take a nap, but I have an English paper to plan for tomorrow. Mmmm… Ugh. I don't want to do that at **_**all**_**. **

**AND FOR THE RECORD: The song is "Beauty Will Rise" by Stephen Curtis Chapman, and it's so inspiring that I basically couldn't ignore it anymore and therefore wrote this. His son accidently ran over his really little daughter, and he wrote this entire album afterwards… It's amazing. I seriously recommend "Heaven Is The Face" btw.**


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